Well, its been a while... three months to be exact. If you have been following my blogs for a while, you know that i usually upload every Friday... but that changed.

As soon as April hit, the blogs stopped coming. Not only was I feeling disappointed in myself for not creating, but I felt stuck. I felt as if my creativity was completely cut out of my brain and detached. I also felt that no matter how many blogs I wrote, no one was reading them. I thought maybe writing was just a thing in the past and people only care to watch videos or scroll through picture and maybe... just maybe I should give up. During this little block I had, I stopped creating everything... not just blogs; I stopped having photoshoots and editing and doing everything I love because my brain just completely stopped working. I was so frustrated and there were times where I just wanted to create but, I mentally had no ideas. I was completely drained. The worst part was, I couldn't pinpoint what was stopping my creativity from flowing... and then it hit me.

I cared too much.

Now, I know many of you may read those four words and thing, "um what does that even mean"... and thats what I'm about to tell you about.

The Truth

Some of you may have experienced exactly what I am about to describe to you throughout a time in your life and some of you may not be able to relate at all... that's ok. I know that maybe just one of you is going through this and I want to let you know that if you are this person, you are not alone. Anyways, now back to why I disappeared.

Just a few months ago I was scrolling through social media (per usual) getting ready to write my next blog, but something felt off. I felt as if I was being judged by others for creating things I loved and trying to share them for others to enjoy too. I immediately became extremely conscious of the photos I took, the edits I made, and the things I said. Before I could even open my laptop, I became so shut off from writing blogs and creating content that I stopped. There were days where I would try and convince myself to write or take pictures but that feeling of someone judging me would always return. I gave up. I started to care about what everyone else was thinking about me rather than how I thought of myself. I lost all pride in what I created. I cared too much about other peoples' opinions.

It was horrible. Have you ever had a feeling that you can't wear a certain shirt because you don't look good or people will make fun of you? Thats the exact feeling I had; that stomach dropping, nervous, angry feeling always rising out of me every time I wanted to create/post something because I, too was also afraid of being judged. So, I completely shut down and stopped all together.

I'm Back

Over time, I realized that the only opinion that mattered was my own. No matter what people thought of my creations, or how different they may be from the normal photos you see on social media, I won't stop. Why? Because i'm proud of what I do and I absolutely love creating. I don't create for others, I create for my own sanity. I love to share my projects on social media for other people who are also as in love with photography as I am. I've grown to realize that if you love to do something, don't let anyone stop you. Run with your dream until you reach your goal. That is exactly what I am doing now. Opinions are just another one of life's crazy obstacles that it hurdles at you to try and make you second guess yourself... you just have to push through the hardships. No matter what, there will always be someone out there that appreciates what you do. Remember that.

Thank you for your support and all the kind messages I've received about not making new content... I truly appreciate all of it and it means so much to me to know that you guys like my work :) .

to many more blogs in the future,

Marisa Rey

#blogger #photographer #writer #truth